haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
