nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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