wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
