The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
