Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize