Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
