Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
