where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
