I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
