Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
