I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
When did angry sex become our thing?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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