pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
