**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
