And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
