I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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