someone get that fucking seahorse.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
