Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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