So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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