Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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