Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
