If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Houston, we have a blender
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize