I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
