I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize