I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
don't judge my taste in strippers
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I have so many feelings about this burrito
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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