Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I think my fart just growled at me.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
