Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
