Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
