R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
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well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
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And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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