Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
