is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
