hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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