Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.