WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?