dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
