Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
