We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
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woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
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I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me