Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
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i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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