I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
