guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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