We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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