She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
