I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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