Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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