I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I am available for nakedness
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
