non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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