i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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