Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
