Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
