He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i think i just lost a toe
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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