Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
