The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
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He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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