Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.