yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*