omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
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Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
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We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?