Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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