omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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