Reggie can tackle my bush.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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