i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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