I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
