I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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