Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
