cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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