the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
