some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm just crazy horny about you
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
