Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
