sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
